Latoya Peterson, at www.racialicious.com, writes about her views and experiences on the “Not Rape” Epidemic :
[... Yes, we learned a lot about rape.
What we were not prepared for was everything else. Rape was something we could identify, an act with a strict definition and two distinct scenarios. Not rape was something else entirely.
Not rape was all those other little things that we experienced everyday and struggled to learn how to deal with those situations. In those days, my ears were filled with secrets that were not my own, the confessions of not rapes experienced by the girls I knew then and the women I know now...]
As hard-hitting as it gets, the article makes for a compelling read.
Being a guy I might not be the best person to comment on this in the context of India. But I do believe that this is not an issue that needs to be addressed by just women; it has transformed into a social menace. To worsen matters, we are still struggling with the definition and implications of “rape” and seen as late as in the Aarushi case, character slandering is considered to be a worthy justification and a legitimate defense. For matters in the courtroom to change, things have to appropriately change outside the courtroom too. Although that does not have to be the case. It is time that everyone understands the most basic principle : Even a commercial sex worker has a right to claim she was raped. The more baffling that statement sounds to a person, the more harmful he/she is to the issue. As I speak to friends and acquaintances, I wonder if the issue is hurt further as we proceed to accept it as a way of life or something we adjust to and I am not just referring to females here.
I think the issue was best summarized by a friend in a conversation :
For all the talk of equality or the blessing of being a woman, I would not want to be one for all that I have to go through just because I am a woman.
I found this in the trackbacks at the original article and just wanted to let you know that it was written by Latoya Peterson, not Carmen.
And you’re right, this is a social menace that NEEDS to be addressed by men as well as women. Thanks for doing your part and I hope you continue to share this with the other men around you.
By: Ali on January 10, 2009
at 10:29 am
Extremely sorry for the mistake.
Corrected it.
Most of the views here are from the point of view of India, but I think they might be true elsewhere too.
I agree this problem is global, with each place having it in different form or capacity, but the effort needs to be from everyone.
By: Deepak Iyer on January 10, 2009
at 1:58 pm
The last lines from your friend are wonderful. As a sex assault counselor for women, this is a subject that haunts me too often. In India eve teasing, assault and rape have almost become accepted: that is not right. My girlfriends and I sat down once and talked about awful eve teasing experiences we all had as young girls and teenagers. To be honest, one of the biggest reasons I love living in the States is because of the increased safety I feel just in day to day life: no leering, no cat calling, no whistling, none of that cheapness. But I am also only too aware how big the problem remains in the States, and how it is still pushed behind closets and out of the view…the issue of rape and the issue of not rape continues to haunt every woman everywhere…and as you said, it should haunt everyone. It should haunt every father, brother, friend, lover, husband, who has dignity. Women are not and should not be alone in fighting this epidemic. Human civilization has grown so much, yet even in the most equal opportunity societies in the world, this social menace has become an accepted part of life. This apathy must change.
Thank you, Deepak!
By: docmitasha on January 11, 2009
at 3:52 am
[...] fellow blogger (News You Can’t Use, which ironically always has news I can use) made a great post that caught my attention and led me to this hard hitting article on the “Not Rape [...]
By: Not Rape Affects Us All « Mitasha Muses on January 11, 2009
at 4:19 am
Those last lines really hit me hard when they were said coz when anyone talks about the positives of being a woman, somewhere we are brushing these issues under the carpet and by that analogy, just adding to the problem.
I agree with you that in the US everyone has their dignity irrespective of race, sex, economic status and job (by and large, not referring to exceptions). India has quite a bit of catching up to do there.
And I can see why as a girl it feels safer to be in the US.
This is worse than apathy. Apathy can be solved by awareness but if the problem is justification, it needs a lot more effort.
By: Deepak Iyer on January 11, 2009
at 6:59 am