Election time.

This post is Pune centric, but I am sure you can apply it in some way to your respective constituencies.

Among the Lok Sabha candidates contesting from Pune is a relatively unknown name, Arun Bhatia. Some might remember him as the independent candidate who contested the 2004 elections. He picked up 60,000 + votes and was third behing the Congress (Suresh Kalmadi) and BJP candidates.

I was following his campaign ever since I heard he was contesting. I saw a few initial videos of him visiting slums in his usual jeans clothing trying to converse with the slum dwellers in bad Marathi, and I wasn’t impressed. This person was never going to convince enough people to vote for him.

Then there was some discussion on a recent blog post by Siddharth G, who incidentally has been campaigning for Arun Bhatia.

Collecting data, let me enlist the things that might not be going *for* Arun Bhatia :

• He isn’t going to collect enough votes to make him win.
• He is an independent and can never do as much for Pune as someone from Congress/BJP.
• An MP hardly has any powers when it comes to the problems of Pune.
• You have to work with the system to get work done; this guy is just going to fight with everyone.
• He seems too idealistic to be true/to do any good.

While each of the points in themselves are thoroughly debatable and can even be proven to be untrue, I must confess that deeper analysis brought me to an even more important point. Why should I care of the above are true ? Why does a non-politician candidate have to convince me harder than someone like a Suresh Kalmadi ? What stops me from putting the same blind trust in an Arun Bhatia; something I might have been doing for long with the Congress/BJP candidates ? 

So without any debate, I could quite easily come to the conclusion that I should in fact be voting for Arun Bhatia, if I had a chance.

Let me make this clear. I am not endorsing Arun Bhatia nor am I asking you to vote for him. Whom you vote for is and should be your carefully thought decision. I am just saying that *if* I were to vote, I think I would vote for Arun Bhatia.

Now for the debate part, I cannot really think of any constructive development idea suggested or implemented in Pune in quite some time (no sensible person would say BRTS). Anyone who has seen Pune growing would know a proactive strategy is needed and not a reactive one. Even if Arun Bhatia loses, there is hardly any difference between the other candidates. Then isn’t it a nothing-to-lose situation for a voter ?

And the most important point, one of our duties as responsible citizens is to ensure that good people are injected into the system. Anyone who claims that all politicians are corrupt and hence we shouldn’t vote, is fundamentally wrong and oversimplifying facts to fuel his apathy. Digressing a bit, this is another reason I disagree with the negative voting clause (49-O) as it offers as easy way out to voters and nurtures the above attitude.

To summarize, I sincerely hope *you*, the educated people, find some time to go through the election manifestos of candidates of your constituency. Voting should be a proactive choice, not a weekly shopping exercise wherein you vote for the same party/candidate every time. In that sense, the result of an election should pretty much be pre-decided in an ideal world. It wouldn’t be as much fun, but it would be good.

Happy voting.

Apologies.

Disclaimer : I am not responsible for any after effects this post may have on you.

As any normal person who is systematically brainwashed by the society and media, I too equated being hairy with really uncool. Until this thing came along :

We asked this question to 1,000 women in the city [of Mumbai] and 70% think that smooth is so not hot !  

.. But women don’t seem too happy with the trend [of men going smooth]. DNA asked 1,000 women in the city if smooth men are hot? Most women think smooth is feminine and not metrosexual. So it’s not the Bollywood’s clean-chested stars and the urban metrosexual man that women swoon over. It’s still the good ol’ hairy ones!

This is a game changer ! It makes Anil Kapoor the hottest Greek god kinda thing on this and all other planets. Now I admit I have made plenty of jokes about Anil Kapoor’s body hair as I was blissfully unaware of this pathbreaking fact. As a part of my course correction and with the sole intention of boosting the female readership, please allow me to present some really *hot* snapshots of Anil Kapoor from a relatively unknown movie Loafer. It could also explain some earlier statements I have made about our new god, something that would amount to blasphemy now.

Female readers : Please forgive me if your heart skips a beat.

Here we go :

If you are still alive, images courtesy : Briyanshu.

Ahem.

I usually just give a cursory glance to the search engine terms through which readers land on this blog. Today there was a query that surprised, shocked, amused and ‘a plethora of other emotions’ed me. The search engine query went :

“did deepak kill himself”.

Now I admit I haven’t updated since a couple of days, hence I would like to clarify to the concerned reader that I am very much alive. Any bizzareness in my writing is not to be misconstrued as a netherworldly literary technique.

On that note, some recent and amusing queries that still haven’t made complete sense to me (by now I am assuming the ‘mallika sherawat hot’ queries are no longer an aberration) :

graph on romantice relationships at work (Hope you got what you were searching for. May your soul rest in peace)

mms indian scandals (double ahem this one)

requirements of being a nun (may I recommend a detailed book I have written on this one ?)

yuvraj singh visiting mandir (is this some Hindu girl of marriageable age ?)

deepak iyer seven hat (yeah even I din’t get this one)

sridevi overweight (the answer would be YES !)

Another random post.

.. posted by Deepak who realises that far too many posts recently have been called ‘random’. A few more and he would be ecstatic at having achieved an imaginary record of sorts.

I might have had a birthday in the recent/far past/future. Completing a quarter of a century is usually a monumental achievement but I am not too proud since I took almost 25 years to do it. The brighter side being that religious texts no longer recommend that I should follow bhramacharya (I leave the interpretation to you).

Meanwhile, some stuff to chew on.

I find automatic occasions quite pointless i.e. occasions that you do not celebrate because there is any reason, but because it is an occasion by definition and you are given no choice; just like you have to love your wife because she is your wife (also applies to her younger sister).   This has led to a scenario wherein I have given out random dates when asked for my date of birth; of course, I am not counting official stuff here, just the “What is your birthdate ?” question you get from beings, mostly female. Another reason being I fear being judged based on my sunsign. Although I do not believe in them, the aforementioned ones.

So I still get wishes in months as random as February, April and November instead of August.

And so it goes.

Another case in Bhajji’s kitty.

follows :

Senior advocate Sudhir Kumar Ojha filed the case in the court of the CJM Ramdarash seeking to book the cricketers under sections 499 (defamation), 500 (punishment for defamation), 503 (criminal intimidation) and 504 (intentional insult with intent to provoke breach of the peace).

Ojha alleged that the two cricketers insulted fans and dishonoured the prestigious award by staying away from the function.

Incidentally, the same advocate was deeply offended by the Hrithik-Aishwarya kissing scene in Dhoom-2; presumably it was disrespectful towards plastic.

This incident coupled with a Padma Shri to Kumar Sanu, snub to boxers Sushil and Vijender Kumar, Padma Shri to a non-existing person, call for Bharat Ratna to George W. Bush; allow me to quote Salman Khan from the timeless comedy Andaz Apna Apna with reference to these awards, “You’re very joky !”.

Earlier post on Harbhajan and the moral police here.

TISS incident.

Please do read this piece where the recent Mumbai gang-rape victim recounts the horrific incident.

Some facts upfront : she went out with a group of 6 guys after 11 p.m., she drank beer/vodka with the guys, she accompanied the guys to their apartment alone at around 2 a.m.

Now the crux : if you still manage to read through till the end without judging the victim, you are not a threat to society.

Edit : The Mumbai Mirror link seems to be dead. Meanwhile, here is an alternative (NSFW) link.

Update : As expected, her character was questioned by the final accused seeking anticipatory bail. To save time for the defendents, I suggest every rape case should begin with the victim being considered characterless unless proven otherwise. On a more serious note, better sense prevailed and the bail plea was quashed.

Know your neta.

I am not recommending it, I do not think there is any need whatsoever to know your neta as long as he faithfully swallows all money without causing trouble to others. But IBNLive thinks it is a good idea. 

Now ever since I heard Sagarika Ghose speak on IBNLive, I think it is unfair to expect them to make sense, and their latest “Know your neta” series vindicates my stand.  

The way it goes is : A neta asks you a question about his constituency and you are supposed to answer it.

Sample this video question by Jaswant Singh : What are the two things Darjeeling is renowned for ? (incidentally the answer is not the intuitive one : Gorkhaland related violence and desi tourists who do not want to travel further into the Himalayas)

So if you reply and win, you will be the Lord of the whole universe and the only person with powers to make Anil Kapoor’s body hair disappear. Or maybe even that doesn’t happen. And did I mention that you know your neta better after this exercise in futility ?

But if there is one thing I learnt about Jaswant Singh, it is that he wears strange and uber cool looking hats like these :

If you ask me, the correct question to know your neta would be this : “What does your neta prefer ? Rupa or Macho Man ?”

Random musical post.

A few friends got together for a jamming session in Seattle after almost 3 years and what followed was riot. What started with the easiest song ever, Papa Kehta Hai, soon led to a quick brainstorming session and addition of the third stanza. The recording is bad, technically and aesthetically, as none of us are pros, we hardly had good musical equipment (a quarter coin doubled up as a guitar pluck, so you can imagine) and the recording settings were the worst you can get. But it was fun. 

Presenting the soul-less lyrics of the third stanza of the song, where we take a further futuristic look :

Munna to apna gayega gana … Munni bajaye jamke sitar   (sing along to the tune of Mera to Sapna .. Hai ek chehra)

(Sitar piece interlude instead of the C-Am-F-G progression)

Munna to apna gayega gana … Munni bajaye jamke sitar

Mummy to unki bas degi gali ..  Usko hatake layenge saali  

Saali to hoti hai adhi gharwali   (Sing along to the tune of Papa Kehte hai bada naam karega)

Langdi ho kani, ho gori ya kaali

Har Ek Banda .. Jalega Mujhse  (Sing along to the tune of Magar yeh to .. koi na jaane)

Ho mere peeche ..  Sara Jahaan 

Munna tum mere aisa kaam karna  (Back to Papa Kehte hain tune)

Papa ka naam tum roshan karana

Police bhi tujhse (Ae shakkar la !!) .. pucha karegi (Jhakaas) .. ke tera daddy (uui maa) hai kaha (maaaaaaaaa)

Explanation : The last line is a tribute to the timeless comedy Andaz Apna Apna. Dialogues alluded to are “Police bhi yehi kahegi .. woh dekho Amar ka baap ja raha hai” and the punchlines of Aamir Khan (Jhakaas), Salman Khan (uui maa) and Tiku Talsania, the police inspector (Ae shakkar la and the frustrated Maaaaa)

Audio here.  Think before you click.

Discredits : Tushar S, Onkar W, Ashutosh K, Deepak I.

Geocaching.

I learnt about the concept of geocaching just last weekend during my Seattle trip; if you already know what geocaching is, ignore this post.

 Anyone interested in hiking, adventure or treasure hunts, check out the official Geocaching website. You can jot down the GPS co-ordinates of a geocache in your locality or on a hike, and set off on a mini-treasure hunt.

It is good fun; even the unsuccessful attempts are good.

I am not sure if India hosts any geocaches; but there could be since they claim to have geocaches in lands as remote as Antarctica.

Reality/layoff mashup.

Fox News has always been a pioneer in entertainment and their latest reality show ‘Somebody’s Gotta Go’ (that would telecast lay-offs live) just takes the bar higher. 

Each episode will feature a company with about 15 or 20 employees that needs to cut costs because of the economy. Instead of the boss deciding who is fired, the company will open its books to show everyone’s salaries and let the employees make the call.

I personally disagree with classifying just one show on Fox News as a reality show; it is just too unfair to all their other programmes.

Closer home, I hope someday we too revolutionalize reality shows. Since mashups are the order of the day, I propose a reality show that would even put The Truman Show to shame. For ease, the protagonist of the show would be Rakhi Sawant, given her superior skills in looking and sounding so real. Skeptics are always going to say that her demeanour, fights, talks and body parts are all fake; but I have a philosophical rant on ‘reality’ to silence them. Without digressing further, this is my show :

Rakhi chooses her future husband in Rakhi Ka Swayamvar, they get married in another reality show, their kids are born in a third. A baby boy can proceed to Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Lil’ Champs, Indian Kid Idol or Star Voice of India Kids; we select where he goes through SMSes (meta-reality show, you see) while the baby girl dances in Nach Baliye Kids’ Special or Jhalak Dikhla Ja. As Rakhi gets older, she follows the great Indian tradition of going on a pilgrimage .. MTV Roadies, if I may suggest. She might think that this would pave the stairway to heaven, but she doesn’t know that after she dies, she is going to be put in a room with other spirits and we get to choose who goes to heaven.

What a beautiful world it would be.