You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘akshay kumar’ tag.
I finally got down to watching Blue, the most-expensive Bollywood movie ever. Most of the reviews have been negative and the audience hasn’t exactly loved this movie.
Which, I frankly, don’t get.
Because this movie is so absofreakinglylute awefreakinlysome and mindfreakinglyblowing that I can’t remember the last movie I enjoyed this much (okay, maybe it was Karzzzzz). You get where this is going, right ?
The actors are going to sweep the Oscars (if the cleaning guys there are fired). The script is going to be preserved in archives for generations. Having already won an Oscar, Rahman’s been there, done that. Watch out for him at the Razzies though.
Without blading you further, let’s jump right into the golden moments that make Blue what it is.
1. Sanjay Dutt, while distributing gyaan about diving (because he is the most super duper awesome diver ever), says,
Diving ke teen golden rules hain
Ek .. Saans kabhi mat rokna.
(translated as)
There are three golden rules of diving.
One .. don’t stop breathing.
Great advice, except for one teeny tiny fact – That is true everywhere.
2. Katrina Kaif is on her first date with Zyed Khan (which reinforces the claim by some that she is indeed stupid). She offers him some assignment that would pay $50,000.
KK : Tum in paison ka kya karoge. (What will you do with this money ?)
ZK (with a cunningly sweet smile) : Hamari future plan karoonga. (I’ll plan our future)
KK : Abhi 12 ghante bhi nahi hue hume mile, already future plan kar rahe ho ? (It’s been hardly 12 hours since we met !)
ZK : Main to pichle 12 ghanton se plan kar raha hoon. Bas tumhare haan ki deri hai. (I’ve already been planning it for the last 12 hours. I’m just waiting for a yes from you.)
KK (shyly,coyly, embarrassingly smiling) : Har baat kehna jaroori nahi hai. (It is not necessary to explicitly say everything.)
You just freaking met him !!!
Here, the right thing to do is pause the movie, enter a sound-proof closet .. and laugh.
3. The guy who credited Katrina Kaif is this movie was out on a social cause, methinks. She has about 20 seconds (okay maybe 57 secs) in the entire movie. Add that she is neither hot, nor cold .. just about at room temperature.
4. The movie attained the rare distinction of having Zyed Khan, Lara Dutta, Rahul Dev and Sanjay Dutt in one frame.
What do you do when you see them in one frame ?
You freakin’ get a pen and paper and take down acting notes !
5. Little Sanjay Dutt (umm .. no double-meaning meant) is diving with his dad, when his dad is stuck under a steel beam and has no chance of surviving. His expressions are a combination of frantically waving and instructing little Sanjay Dutt to head back, lest he exhaust his oxygen.
This is construed by little Sanjay Dutt as, quote, “Aur unhonen mujhe kasam di ke main us khazane ke baare mein kisi se na kahoon” (and he asked me to never ever reveal about the treasure to anyone).
6. What are the sharks doing in the movie ?
They don’t attack anyone, they don’t bother anyone, they don’t even make any noise, they basically do nothing in the entire movie !
Unless it is a metaphor for the Congress, someone please enlighten me what they were doing in the movie.
7. This one’s just for Sanjay Dutt :
Dude, when the bad guy is down on the ground (courtesy a superb punch by you), and is lying next to gun, it’s really okay if you don’t complete the monologue assigned to you.
No, really. That’s okay.
8. This one’s by @alltalk :
Q : Whose acting is the best in Blue ?
A : The sharks.
I rest my case.
Conclusion : Don’t miss this awesome movie. Movies like this come once in a lifetime, as your chances of survival after watching them are bleak.
Pardon me for offending your sentiments (through the above snap) in case you are one of the two people who have filed a case against Padma Shri winner Akshay Kumar and an unknown female actress. Strangely, in a country of a billion people, we only have 2 asli mards (real male .. a male without a complex part .. no pun intended) who had the keen eye to spot this. The first being a certain Mr. Anil Nair :
A Mumbai-based social activist Anil Nair filed a written complaint against the trio following which the police initiated an inquiry on whether to lodge a complaint against them. Satisfied with the police action, Anil Nair said he knew law would take its own course.
and the second is advocate Virendra Kumar :
Virendra in his complaint said that he was ashamed watching a TV show on April 2 where Akshaya Kumar while cat-walking on the ramp, had got his jeans unbuttoned by his wife.
Hats off to them ! Err .. on second thoughts, put your hats on. No obscenity please.
Meanwhile, another case has been filed against the whole team of Mahabharata and a ban has been sought on the holy book for an alleged obscene scene involving Draupadi and Dushasana. This case has visibly irked both Pandavas and the Kauravas.
The Pandavas, who by the way are now 9 in number due to caste reservation issues, were angry that the ban was not sought earlier allowing the whole world to know about their stupidity. The Kauravas have also increased in number and I can only speculate that they are now 552 in number. They too were vocal in their disappointment, the most of which was Dushasana, who feared his name would go off Google search if not for that incident.
Dritarashtra was unavailable for comment as he was excited about his new Tata Sky connection, Sanjaya was sulking having just been laid off and Gandhari had left to get a facial done.
Which leaves Draupadi, whose very bold comment cannot be published here for fear of offending sentiments and raising quite a few things (eyebrows included).
To know how this saga ends, keep visiting this blog.
Meanwhile, in another remote part of India, Akshay Kumar and Twinkle Khanna are being revered as the incarnate forms of Draupadi and Dushasana respectively.
Disclaimer : Read Disclaimer.
Image courtesy : ExpressIndia.com
11.15.04 a.m. : Uma Bharati slaps her party’s district president.
11.15.05 a.m. : Uma Bharati slaps her party’s district president again.
14.10.10 p.m. : Uma Bharati kisses her party’s district president.
16.20.30 p.m. : The party’s district president resigns.
Zeher hai ke pyaar hai tera chumma ! (@5.17)
Akshay “Singh is King” Kumar has said enough today to finally grab some space here. To answer the question why he was endorsing Levis jeans, he has this to say :
I think we can all agree that the fate of Saawariya has proven some things beyond doubt. Hope Levis has better reasons to sell their product.
And when asked what was the first time he ‘unbuttoned’ :
You should always unbutton yourself with your wife first. And if with others then use condoms.
Anyone who knows Akshay and Tamil would say : poratiyaar ke vaadyaar.
