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The Pune IPL team will be called the Sahara Pune Warriors.
Or worst name ever?
And what kind of a people add the sponsor in the team name ?
Probably the kind who say It is my happy birthday today.
Nita Ambani, owner of Mumbai Indians, visited Tirupati the night before the IPL finals. An excerpt of the report :
She dropped two suitcases filled with currency and a duffel bag full of gold ornaments into the temple’s hundi (donation box), sources said. They suggested the total donation could be anywhere between Rs 1 crore and Rs 2 crore.
But the Chennai Super Kings had stolen a march over the Mumbai team. Sources said CSK owner N. Srinivasan had recently visited the temple and donated Rs 2 crore in cash and an equal amount in gold. His team triumphed in tonight’s final.
Balaji could hardly have satisfied all his IPL devotees. Officials and owners from various teams — including the Delhi Daredevils, Kolkata Knight Riders and the Deccan Chargers — had visited the temple. Vijay Mallya, who owns Royal Challengers Bangalore, had been one of the earliest IPL visitors this season. He donated Rs 2 crore.
This reminds me of the search business. Google is way ahead of competitors not because it does a good job with common queries; it does a phenomenal job at the uncommon queries. That is one of the reasons an antitrust law is being invoked against Google in the famous book deal case that is ongoing : Google can leverage its access to obsolete content to help improve its results in the tail of queries.
The same applies to the IPL. If every owner visits Tirupati, it is obvious that the god there is not going to decide the fate of the match. If he had the powers and he was fair, the best option for him would be to not do anything. Donating more money would lead to an auction-like situation. But given that this is god we’re dealing with, it would be in extremely bad taste were he to favour the team that donated most.
I think the ones who decide the fate will be the gods and temples that are seldom visited for something like an IPL match. A great example — temples at the forts of Maharashtra. Almost no one will visit these, so they have the maximum chance of influencing the outcome of the game.
Make sense ?
Tehelka has a Tehelka-esque piece (or one could say : Tehelka has a piece) on the underbelly of IPL (which makes me want to take a jab at Yuvraj Singh and his belly, but I’ll pass).
I don’t know how much of it is true, but it is cryptic — so it makes for an entertaining read.
So what made Lalit Modi suddenly twitter innocuously last weekend about Sunanda Pushkar and how Tharoor had allegedly asked him not to inquire into who she was — the kindle that lit the fire stack? It’s common knowledge that Modi and Tharoor are friends, so why this sudden and ugly fall out? (Friends of Tharoor say that Modi is misusing a bantering remark the minister had made to him over a drink. Tharoor is, indeed, set to marry Pushkar but is waiting for a divorce from his Canadian wife Christa Giles to come through and, therefore, has been loath to make his relationship public. This is why when Modi asked him in a nudge-nudge sort of way, “So, who is Sunanda Pushkar?” Tharoor had laughingly evaded the question saying, ‘Don’t ask me that as yet.’ So what made Modi turn that into something sinister?)
I don’t care much about the Tharoor-Modi-IPL-BCCI issue. What we will see is just the tip, and beyond some token sacrificial lamb, there won’t be much to it — to what we get to see, I mean. The backstage drama is movie material, no doubt.
If you want a good view of the issue, chuck all news sources. Most don’t seem to know what they’re talking about. Instead, I’ll recommend Prem Panicker’s fabulous blog Smoke Signals. Do read through.
On the other hand, if you just want to be entertained, Arnab Goswami is always around. I get a feeling that someday the guy is going to snap. He’ll probably pull a Travis Bickle and assassinate all the wrong-doers. Until then, he is ours.
For all the purity of cricket IPL seems to be destroying, they sure get brownie points for upholding culture and tradition.
[... an astrological advice took Chennai Super Kings (CSK) all the way from Dharamsala to Mumbai via Chennai for their semi-final in the Indian Premier League.
The next time you see a CSK player sprints across for a single, don’t be surprised if he goes via silly mid-on.
This was the response to IPL matches being moved out of Bangalore :
“We had provided full security to the match on Saturday and assure that all security measures needed for the semi-finals will be provided,” Yeddyurappa said.
“The government will not allow anyone to disturb peace in Bangalore,” he added.
Ahead of the meeting, Bidari described as “unfair” the IPL decision to move the semi-finals to Navi Mumbai.
The decision has been taken on “baseless and false presumption”, he said in a statement.
“If they don’t revise the decision to shift, I am afraid the BCCI will be committing a serious mistake and will be besmirching the fair name of a secure city like Bangalore,” Bidari said.
“We will take full and complete responsibility for the security,” Bidari said.
Those are gutsy statements, enough to make terrorists rethink their plans, if any.
Except for the teeny-tiny fact : There was an explosion in Bangalore just a couple of days earlier.
Sample this :
Indian Premier League Commissioner Lalit Modi and title sponsor of the Twenty20 extravaganza DLF have been asked by the Sports Ministry to stop “misusing” the word India and comply with an Allahabad High Court order.
A writ petition filed in the Allahabad High Court – Lucknow bench – had alleged that placing the said logo on the ground violated the Prevention to Insults to National Honour Act 1971 and the State Emblem of India (Prevention of Improper Use) Act, 1950.
At the centre of the controversy is the ‘Building India’ tagline in the DLF logo, which is on the bowler’s run-up area and passage leading to the presentation ceremony, on which players frequently tread.
A complaint that should’ve ended with a Go Screw Yourself to the petitioner, is now being taken seriously by the Sports Ministry.
Let’s assume for a moment that I do understand ‘treading on India’ is an insult to the great nation of ours. But then, isn’t walking in the same goddamn country an insult too ?
I hereby call for all patriotic nationalists to levitate from this moment.
Either that, or Go Screw Yourself.
The IPL Pune team rules post found a mention in today’s Pune Mirror (e-paper link here – PDF). So if you read this blog, but you didn’t read that post for some random reason, you can read it if you get hold of a copy of the Pune Mirror.
But damn those brats for not just copying the post, but also crediting me. I wish they’d not have credited me. Then I would’ve been the victim, earned some publicity, had me 15 seconds of fame — after all, I deeply care about the writes of righters. I could’ve been anointed as an asli blogger, not one of the bloggers no one cares about. Damn those Pune Mirror folks !
Link via Veda A.
The Indian Premier League was where cricket met Bollywood. With Pune getting its own team, IPL also meets Puneri Marathi. Pune is known for its sarcastic and most of the time, downright rude signboards. Puneri Patya has a great compilation of those. Pu. La. Deshpande put it best in his essay Mumbaikar, Punekar ki Nagpurkar when he said : Puneri Marathi is about maximizing insult in the minimum possible words. (As the blog FAQs say, I too owe much of my sharp tongue to Pune, where I was raised. Anyone I know can vouch for this.)
Today, I got an e-mail forward of IPL signboards and rules in Puneri Marathi. I wanted to translate it to English so everyone could enjoy it. Since the mail was fairly long, I crowd-sourced the translation via Twitter. The translators are Nikhil Apte, Fake Bal Thakre, Neeraj Sane and yours truly. We have tried to retain as much value as we could, while adding some. If you are not satisfied with the translation, in assal Puneri language : Do not bother the authors with your complaints. If you have any issues, please come up with your own translation and post it somewhere.
If you wrote the original e-mail, please write to me and take due credit.
Update : The original author of the Puneri Marathi list has been traced to a blogger who goes by the moniker Chota Don. His post is here. Thanks to commenter AD.
The jersey has been designed by Vedang Bagwe.
This is the only time I will be using a hideously large font (for better readability of Devnagari script).
*ह्या पाट्या आहेत त्या’मैदानावरच्या’ …..
Signboards at the stadium
१. सामन्याची वेळ तुमच्या तिकिटावर छापलेली आहे, उगाच कधीही येऊन गर्दी करु नये.
The match timings are printed in bold letters on your ticket. Do not crowd this place by showing up whenever you please.
२. सामन्याच्या वेळेच्या आधी ३० मिनिटे मैदानात प्रवेश दिला जाईल, तुम्ही गडबड केल्याने सामना लवकर सुरु होणार नाही.
Entry begins 30 minutes before the match and not before that. Your haste will not ‘prepone’ the match.
३. खुर्चीचा वापर फक्त बसण्यासाठीच करावा… एका खुर्चीवर एकच !
Chairs are strictly meant for sitting ONLY. And only one person on each chair please.
४. मैदानात पिण्यासाठी (साध्या) पाण्याची व्यवस्था केली आहे, थंड तसेच फिल्टर्ड पाणी आपण दिलेल्या तिकिटाच्या पैशात मिळणार नाही, उगाचच आयोजकांकडे हट्ट धरु नये.
Only tap water will be provided inside. The price of chilled or filtered water is not included in your ticket. Do not bring such silly complaints to the organizers.
५. मैदानावरचे कॅमेरे हे सामन्याच्या हालचाली टिपण्यासाठी आहेत, उगाच हिडीस चाळे करुन त्यांचे लक्ष वेधण्याचा प्रयत्न करु नये.
The cameras in the stadium are only to record and telecast the match. Do not try to distract the cameraman with your silly gestures.
६. आपण पुण्यासारख्या एका सुसंस्कृत शहरात एका सार्वजनिक ठिकाणी सामना पहात आहोत ह्याचे भान ठेऊन चियरलिडर्सना खाणाखुणा करु नये किंवा त्यांच्याकडे डोळे फाडुन बघुन लाज आणु नये. अश्लील चाळे कराल तर नुसतीच पोलीस कारवाई नाही तर धिंड काढण्यात येईल.
Please remember that you are watching the match in a city that is the epitome of culture. Do not bring disgrace to Pune by making lewd gestures or ogling at the cheerleaders. Such acts will be met with not just police action, but also with public humiliation.
७. फुंके ( सिगारेट, बिड्या, चिलीम ), थुंके ( तंबाखु, गुटका, मावा, पान ) आणि शिंके ( तपकीर आणि स्वाईन फ्ल्युग्रस्त ) ह्यांना मैदानात मज्जाव.
Smokers (cigarettes, bidis), Spitters (tobacco, gutkha, paan) and Sneezers (snuff inhalers and swine flu carriers) prohibited.
८. मैदानात दारु विक्री केली जात नाही, मैदानात दारु पिऊ दिली जात नाही, मैदानात बाहेरुन दारु पिऊन आल्यास प्रवेश मिळणार नाही.
Sale of alcohol is forbidden, bringing alcohol is forbidden and entry when drunk is forbidden.
९. मैदानात विकत मिळणार्या खाद्यपदार्थांची आवरणे, पिशव्या तसेच पाणी किंवा शितपेयाच्या बाटल्या मैदानात फेकु नयेत, बाटलीवरुन खेळाडु घसरुन पडुन जखमी होऊ शकतो ह्याची किमान जाण ठेवावी.
Do not throw any kind of waste (paper, plastic, cans) into the playing field. Be aware that players can slip and injure themselves.
१०. सामन्याच्या वेळी खेळाडुंना पाठिंबा देताना हळु आवाजात आरडाओरड करावी. हा क्रिकेटचा सामना आहे, तमाशाचा फड नव्हे !
During a match, keep your voice low when cheering for your team. This is a cricket stadium, not a fish market or a tamasha.
११. अनोळखी वस्तुंना स्पर्श करु नये … व्यक्तींसह !
Do not touch unknown objects… or people!
१२. मैदानातील मोठ्ठे पंखे फक्त दुपारी आणि गर्दी असलेल्या ठिकाणीच लावण्यात येतील. पंख्याखाली बसण्यासाठी मोठ्ठ्या आवाजात भांडण करुन आयोजकांना त्रास देऊ नये.
The stadium fans will be turned on in the afternoon, and in crowded stands only. Do not argue loudly with the organizers just because you want to sit under the nearest fan.
१३. स्त्रियांचे स्वच्छतागॄह, खेळाडूंचे पॅव्हेलियन, चियरलिडर्स पोडियम, व्हीआयपी गॅलरी, पत्रकार कक्ष इत्यादी ठिकाणी उगाच जास्त घुटमळु नये.
Do not loiter needlessly near the ladies restrooms, players’ pavilion, cheerleaders’ podium, VIP gallery, press box, etc.
14. सामन्यातील कसल्याही घटनेचा ( सामना हरणे, षटकार मारणे, धावबाद होणे, झेल टाकुन देणे वगैरे ) राग खुर्च्यांवर काढु नये.
Do not vent your anger at any incident (losing the match, run-out, sixer, dropped catch, etc.) on the stadium chairs.
15. सामना पहायला आलेल्या प्रेक्षकांचे खेडाळु, चियरलिडर्स, व्हीआयपी यांच्याबरोबर अथवा खेळपट्टी, पत्रकारकक्ष, समालोचन खोली, पॅव्हेलियन, व्हीआयपे बॉक्स इथे ‘फोटु काढुन मिळणार नाहीत’ किंवा त्याला परवानगी दिली जाणार नाही.
The audience is forbidden from snapping photos with players, cheerleaders, VIPs or at the pitch, press box, pavilion, VIP box, etc. Permission for the same will not be granted.
16. सामन्याच्या वेळेदरम्यान तुटलेल्या चपला, कापलेले खिसे, मोडलेला चष्मा, हरवलेली पर्स, गायब झालेला मोबाईल ह्यांची जबाबदारी आयोजकांकडे राहणार नाही. समोरच पोलीस स्टेशन आहे, तिकडे जाऊन तक्रार करावी.
Management cannot be held responsible for your stolen purses, lost mobiles or broken spectacles. There is a police station nearby. Take your complaints there.
17. हे पुणं आहे, शिमला नव्हे, उन्हाळ्यात गरम होणारच, पण म्हणुन मैदानात सामना पहायला शर्ट काढुन बसु नव्हे. अशा निर्लज्ज प्रेक्षकांना बाहेर काढले जाईल.
This is Pune, not Shimla. It is obvious that summers will be very hot. This does not mean you can take off your shirt. Such indecent spectators will be thrown out of the stadium.
18. पाऊस पडल्यास पैसे परत मिळणार नाहीत, कॄपया हवामानखात्याशी सल्लामसलत करुन मगच तिकिट काढावे.
The ticket price will not be refunded in case of rain. Please check with the meteorological department before you buy your tickets.
19. परदेशी खेळाडुंच्या अंगचटीला जाऊ नये तसेच त्यांना स्थानिक भाषेत गलिच्छ आणि अश्लील शिव्या देऊन वेडावुन दाखवु नयेत. ते आपले अतिथी आहेत, आपण घरात पाहुण्यांशी असे वागतो का ?
Do not needlessly rush to make bodily contact with the foreign players, or pass lewd remarks at them in the local language. They are our guests. Do we behave like this with guests in our own home?
20. राजकीय नेते, सरकारी अधिकारी, स्थानिक दादा ह्यांचा वशिला लाऊन फुकट पास मागु नये. परवडत नसल्यास झाडावर चढुन सामना पहावा.
Do not ask for ‘free passes’ just because you know a politician, government official or a local goon. If you can’t afford tickets, climb on nearby trees and enjoy the match.
21. खेळाडूंना गाढव, माकड असल्या कुठल्याही प्राण्यांच्या उपमा देऊन चिडवू नये. असे करताना आपणच त्या प्राण्यासारखे दिसतो.
Do not insult players by addressing them as a donkey, monkey or any other animal. You will look like one if you do.
22. स्वच्छतागृह स्वच्छ ठेवावे. स्वच्छतागृहातून घाण येते याची तक्रार खपवून घेतली जाणार नाही.
Keep the restrooms clean. Do not complain about foul odour from restrooms.
23. समोर नाचत असलेल्या चीयर लीडर्स जरी “मस्तानी” असल्या तरी आपण “बाजीराव” नाही. म्हणून कृपया सामना खाली बसून बघावा.
The cheerleaders are as attractive as Mastani, but you are not Bajirao. Therefore, please be seated during the match.
24. वरील सुचना ह्या चेष्टेचा विषय नव्हे ह्याची नोंद घ्यावी, ह्याची चेष्टा करणार्या प्रेक्षकांना संपुर्ण सामना संपोस्तोवर अंधार्या खोलीत बळजबरीने बसवुन ठेवले जाईल.
Please note that the above rules are not to be taken lightly. If you are caught poking fun at them, you will be kept in solitary confinement in a dark cell till the end of the tournament.
***ह्या पाट्या आहेत त्या’आयपीएल-पुणे संघाच्या कार्यालयातल्या” ….
Signboards outside the IPL Pune team office :
१. फक्त दिवसाचे सामने खेळले जातील, त्यातही दुपारी १-३ असा विश्रांतीचा वेळ राखुन ठेवावा लागेल.
All matches will be played only during the day. Also, keep in mind that 1 p.m.-3 p.m. is our afternoon nap time and this will not be compromised at any cost.
२. रात्रीच्या सामन्याचा चार्ज वेगळा पडेल, कुठल्याही परिस्थीत रात्री ८ वाजता सामना संपवण्याची जबाबदारी आयोजकांची राहिल, सवड मिळाल्यास उरलेला सामना दुसर्या दिवशी खेळता येईल.
Matches played during the night will be charged extra. It will be the organizers’ responsibility to end the match by 8 p.m. The rest of the match may be played out the next day, at the sole discretion of the team management.
३. सोमवारी सुट्टी घेतली जाईल.
Monday will be a holiday.
4. सर्व लोकांना जाहीर निवेदन देण्यात येते की “आयपीएल-पुणे संघ ( पुण्याचा अभिमान, महाराष्ट्राची शान ) ” ही आमचा पुर्णपणे स्वतंत्र संघ असुन “मुंबई इंडियन्स, महाराष्ट्र” ह्या संघाशी आमचा कसलाही संबंध नाही. त्या संघाशी केलेल्या व्यवहाराची जबाबदारी केवळ तो मराठी आहे ह्या कारणाने घेतली जाणार नाही. तसेच त्या संघाच्याविषयी आमच्याकडे कसलीच चौकशी करु नये.
We hereby declare that ‘IPL Pune team’ has no affiliation to ‘Mumbai Indians’. Any transactions done with Mumbai Indians will not be honoured by us just because they are Marathi too. Likewise, do not inquire about Mumbai Indians here.
5. हा क्रिकेटचा संघ आहे. उगाच गाण्याच्या स्पर्धा, नाचकामाचे कार्यक्रम, पाणपोईचे उद्घाटन, नव्या दुकानाची चित्रफीत कापणे ह्या आणि अशाच इतर कामांसाठी खेळाडुंची चौकशी अथवा मागणी करु नये.
Please note that this is a cricket team. Do not needlessly make inquiries or demands for our players to make appearances at singing competitions, water-fountain inaugurations, ribbon-cutting ceremonies or other similar activities.
6. क्रिकेट हा एक खेळ आहे ह्याचे भान ठेवावे, आम्ही मॅचफिक्सींग करत नसल्याने जिंकण्याची कसलीच गॅरेंटी देता येणार नाही.
Please note that cricket is a sport. Since we do not fix matches, there is no guarantee that we will win.
7. देणग्या मागणारे, गौरवनिधी सामने आयोजीत करणारे, सर्व्हे करणारे, फुकटात जाहीरातीसाठी कार्यक्रमाला हजरी लावण्याची विनंती करण्याची शिष्ठमंडळे आदी तत्सम व्यक्ती किंवा संस्था ह्यांना सक्त प्रवेश बंदी आहे, ह्यात कोणत्याही कारणास्तव बदल होणार नाही.
Donation seekers, benefit-match organizers, survey-takers or representatives of any organization seeking ‘free passes’ for publicity and similar persons or entities are strictly prohibited. No concessions shall be made on this policy for any reason.
8. आमचे प्रतिस्पर्धी संघ कमी किमतीत खेळत असल्याच्या बढाया आमच्यासमोर मानु नये. आमचे इथे क्वालिटीला प्राधान्य असल्याने कमी किमतीत सामना खेळवण्याचा विचार केला जाणार नाही.
We are aware that competing IPL teams play for a lower price — you do not have to inform us. Such teams know what their performance is worth. Quality is of utmost importance to us, so we will not consider lowering our price.
9. आपण आमच्या खेळाबद्दल समाधानी असताल तर इतरांना सांगा, नसाल तर योग्य आणि सभ्य शब्दात आम्हाला सांगा, योग्य दखल घेतली जाईल.
If you are satisfied with the team’s performance, kindly let us know. If not, write to us in civil language. We shall look into it.
10. आमचेकडे शाळकरी संघांना ट्रेनिंग दिले जात नाही
We do not train school teams.
11. आमच्याशी ठरलेल्या करारानुसार सामना झाल्यावर आमच्याकडुन सदिच्छा म्हणुन खेळाडुंचे टी-शर्ट्स, ट्रॅक सुट्स, टोप्या, बॅटी, चेंडु अथवा तत्सम कुठलेही किमती सामान भेट मिळणार नाही. उगाच हावरटपणा करु नये.
Under the terms and conditions agreed upon, you will not receive any t-shirts, track pants, caps, bats, balls, etc. as memorabilia after the tournament. Do not display your obscene greed here. Tantrums won’t work.
Team jersey : (saffron)
Link via Sujay P.
But there are some points that I wanted to put forth :
1. Whatever was done to Pakistani players was deplorable. It was extremely unfortunate, and it could have been averted. Anyone who says (and I know many who do) they felt happy is just marginally better than terrorists who cause friction. By terrorists, I also mean anyone who is complicit with them — state and non-state actors.
2. If you feel this was a great way to enforce dismantling of terror groups in Pakistan, please explain to me how exactly do you think this move helps.
3. I don’t blame the team owners for not selecting players who may or may not be available for IPL 3. It depends on how relations between India and Pakistan are from today till the start of IPL. It is a business decision and they have every right to do what they think makes monetary sense for them. As SRK said, if the Shiv Sena had claimed earlier that it wouldn’t let Australians play in the IPL, he would’ve thought twice before bidding for one. While the analogy is good, I don’t think it is perfect. Being Pakistani is different from being Australian. It is a fact.
4. It is entirely plausible — but highly unlikely — that all team owners did not bid for any Pakistani player purely by coincidence.
5. The reaction from players like Sohail Tanvir was unhealthy and unsportsmanlike (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2IL-6YaCk0).
6. The whole auctioning of players with BCCI as the middleman is stupid. Only Lalit Modi could have come up with that. This is a non-sequitur, but I wanted to mention it nevertheless.
While on this topic, I want to mention one sentence I was told recently : Pakistan is suffering because of its ill-karma. I have come across statements to this effect in the past too.
I won’t analyze it. I do not wish to dignify such ideas by replying.
Sample this excerpt about Karan Thapar :
Thapar: You’re not saying “yes”…. so does that mean you’re saying “no”?
Guest: Not exactly.
Thapar: Ok so you’re saying “not exactly”….. Does that mean a “not exactly yes” or a “not exactly no”?
Guest: I’m saying neither.
Thapar (narrowing his eyes): So you’re not saying “yes”, you’re not saying “no”, you’re not saying “not exactly yes”, and you’re not saying “not exactly no”… Would that be a correct assessment of what you’re saying?
Guest: I suppose so.
Thapar: You just contradicted yourself ! A moment ago you were absolutely certain and now you’re no longer sure.
Guest: Well that’s because-
Thapar: Thank you. It’s been a pleasure talking to you.
Much hilarity follows with the summary of Arnab Goswami, Sagarika Ghose and Barkha Dutt. Absolute must read.
It’s a pity that the author is sporadic in his posts though.
Link via Salil B.