War in Lanka ending.

After news reports that the Sri Lankan army was within 8 sq. km., 4 sq. km., 3.8 sq. km. and 800 metres of Prabhakaran, an elated Sri Lankan President Mahinda Rajapaksa today announced that the army was just 1 sq. metre away from Prabhakaran. When reporters pointed out that it did not make sense and wondered why he still wasn’t captured, he replied, “We are very concerned about civilians and want to clear the area before capturing him”.

He ended the press conference with “We are very close to winning the war“, and is now just 3 statements away from the world record for this line. The record is currently held by George W. Bush; who is still confused why it doesn’t play on his gramophone.

In India, this news has enraged a helpless DMK which has threatened to pull out of the government, strange since they are no longer a part of the government. When this was brought to his notice, Karunanidhi snapped back with, “Then I’ll pull out support from my government in Tamil Nadu”. In a show of immediate solidarity, he also joined the LTTE Fan Club on Facebook and poked Manmohan Singh for not interfering in the war.

J. Jayalalitha was unavailable for comment; she had food in her mouth.

Noted columnist Cho Ramaswamy stated again, “There is no sympathy for the LTTE in Tamil Nadu”. In fact, if for every time he said this he lost a hair, that would explain why he is bald.

Pakistan President Asif Ali Zardari, who was contacted for no apparent reason as it does not concern him, reacted quickly at this latest development and immediately called Obama to convey that Prabhakaran was in fact in Swat Valley and that he would need some more pocket money, drones and a date with Sarah Palin pronto.

Meanwhile, in an unrelated news, fans of Lost, who have pretty much lost it with all the time-travels and paradoxes, are quite convinced that Prabhakaran is Jacob after all. They are hoping Prabhakaran will be caught in the season finale coming up in two weeks.

Disclaimer : None of this stuff has happened, atleast until now.

Tame the Tigers.

Shekhar Gupta writes a piece “Shed no tears for the Tigers” about the ongoing confrontation between the Sri Lankan army and the LTTE with civilians bearing the brunt, as they are the easiest route to international attention for the LTTE.

Yogeswaran and his wife Sarojini, Padmanabha and Yogasankari, Sam Thambimuthu and P. Joseph, all elected MPs from Tamil territories, all as Tamil as Prabhakaran or Vaiko or Karunanidhi, were assassinated by the LTTE for the same crime: questing for peace. Joseph, a most loveable man who wouldn’t harm an insect, was shot during Christmas mass in his native Batticaloa in 2005. There was nothing Prabhakaran hated more than peacemakers. They created dissonance, disruption in a world of murder and deceit. He was, indeed, macho, arrogant, irrational, fascist. If you don’t bow to me, I will send a teenager, a child, maybe a woman, with a bomb-belt, to embrace you.

Shekhar Gupta identifies the ideology of the LTTE perfectly. For those who don’t know, the LTTE is also credited for being, if not the inventors, the most effective deployers of suicide attacks, quite possibly the deadliest form of offensive any victim can expect. It shows a clear lack of respect for human life. 

For an organization that credits itself as being the sole fighters for the Tamil language, one would expect atleast a wee bit of change in their strategy after Tamil was adopted as an official language by Sri Lanka in 1987 and a change in the attitude of the Sinhala leadership in recent times, causes that can be safely considered to be the origin of the Civil War. Unfortunately, the LTTE knows just one thing and that is what they will do until crushed.

There was a recent report of a pro-LTTE website citing Sonia Gandhi as the prime villian in the current war as she has not done enough to stop the Sri Lankan offensive. A similar campaign was launched against Rajiv Gandhi that eventually led to his assassination. Again goes to prove that they just shift targets that enables them to do what they do best. Kill.

Stuck in between is the Tamil minority, who cannot condone the LTTE but also want to condemn the state. Their fault being handing over the reigns of the struggle to a dubious organization. This is something we in India can identify with quite easily and learn from, Be it the organization that claims to represent a subdued majority or the parties that represent regional pride; their causes might be fair, but it is best to not hand over the responsibility to them. For every incorrect way to achieve something, there is an easier correct path. An example I often cite : For parties that claim to stand for local people and pride, how much exactly are they doing to promote local culture and population.

Lastly, only someone with no inkling of the origins of the Civil War in Sri Lanka or deliberate ignorance for petty gains will voice support for the LTTE, specimens you will find aplenty in the Tamil Nadu political arena. 

So when I hear Karunanidhi claiming Prabhakaran is a friend, all I can think of is a line by another retarded character Forrest Gump : Stupid is as stupid does.

Dude of the week.

Unknown to most Indians, a worthy leader has achieved the record for the fastest indefinite hunger strike in history for an even worthier cause.

The leader in question, who incidentally is also the Dude of this week, is Tamil Nadu Chief Minister M. Karunanidhi, who went on a hunger strike for 6 ….. hours.

In a sudden move, Chief Minister M Karunanidhi drove to the Anna Samadhi at 5.50 am on Monday and went on an indefinite fast, which he later called off past noon.

“Due to heavy pressure by the UPA government, the Sri Lankan security council met today and has decided to stop all offensive operations. Now the Lankan army will be used only for humanitarian purposes. The fast ends now, come and celebrate with me,” he said.

Meanwhile, Sri Lankan President claims that only hostages are being freed and the operation against the LTTE would continue.

With this development, can we please urge Mr. Karunanidhi to resume the fast ?

The whole reaction of the political arena in Tamil Nadu to the Sri Lankan crisis has been a big joke, and by that definition, the aforementioned leader emerges as the biggest joker. I am more interested in finding how many people actually buy into the phony arguments and sentiments of the DMK and AIADMK. Not to forget that open condoning of the LTTE and Prabhakaran should ideally invite legal action.

The Sri Lankan crisis is, at this moment, a humanitarian crisis. The LTTE, while fighting for a cause (which might be worthy or not is not the point), had become a nuisance for the entire South Asia and every country has a right to get rid of its troublemakers; the fact that we do not do it is no ground for expecting the same from others.

If the Dalai Lama is still treated as a guest of India, it is for a reason. I quite hope any government stops pandering to the needs of political jokers; unfortunately, it is election time so I cannot blame the government either.

Which brings me to the earlier question.

How many people in Tamil Nadu actually care about the Lankan crisis over their already troubled lives with an economic depression that is looming overhead ? The answer can be found in this recent article and isn’t too unexpected.

Quotes.

Election time has ensured that WTF quotes fly all around. Check out these.

1. IBNLive invites Ujjwal Nikam and Abbas Kazmi (prosecution and defense respectively of Ajmal Kasab) for a chat :

CNN-IBN: Mr Kazmi, the accusation is not just of delaying but also Kasab saying he was under 18 years of age despite prosecution documents pointing to the contrary.

Abbas Kazmi: It is clear with the way he is behaving that he is a juvenile [WTF Alert 1]

CNN-IBN: Mr Kazmi, no juvenile goes around shooting people. He is a terrorist. Give him a fair trial but cooperate with prosecution and get this case wrapped up in time.  [WTF Alert 2]

While on IBNLive, did you know that Rajdeep Sardesai and Barkha Dutt were recipients of the Padma Shri last year ? Somehow bloggers let this news be.

2. Good sense and politics still evades Sanjay Dutt :

Sanjay Dutt : During the rally in Pratapgarh, Dutt allegedly said he “will give ‘jaadu ki jhappi and pappi’ (magical hug and kiss) to the chief minister and BSP supremo Mayawati”.

(Dream sequence) Mayawati : Zeher hai ke pyaar hai tera chumma.

3. Karunanidhi on LTTE supremo Prabhakaran :

“Is Prabhakaran a terrorist? No, I don’t see it that way. Prabhakaran is my good friend. I am not a terrorist. I will deeply regret it if Prabhakaran is killed. I will regret it. I will say it happened because of a lack of unity among the Tamil groups in Sri Lanka.  Some people in Prabhakaran’s group might be involved in terrorism. But that is not Prabhakaran’s fault.”

Yeah last heard innocent Prabhakaran was sucking on a lollipop and riding around on his tricycle. Sitting behind was an unknown kid with dark glasses for unexplained reasons.

4. Hema Malini while campaigning for BJP :

Vote for BJP, ye Basanti ki izzat ki sawal hai: Hema

 

Quote of the day.

Comes from the Tamil Nadu CPI spokesperson Mahendran, on the subject of the recent crackdown on LTTE by the Sri-Lankan army :

LTTE has a long history. They did a mistake and now they are realizing it. They are just demanding a separate state.

Not sure why India is fighting in Kashmir then.

And another one-of-those empty threats from Tamil Nadu Chief Minister M. Karunanidhi :

If Sri Lanka continues to ignore the warnings of the Central Government, then we will be forced to think whether we need this Government (UPA).

By that twisted logic, if the UPA government continues to ignore the threatens of Karunanidhi, he should be forced to think about resigning himself. And threatening to bring down a government to support the cause of an organization that has been proscribed as a terrorist group by 31 countries, including India ?