Blue – a review.

I finally got down to watching Blue, the most-expensive Bollywood movie ever. Most of the reviews have been negative and the audience hasn’t exactly loved this movie.

Which, I frankly, don’t get.

Because this movie is so absofreakinglylute awefreakinlysome and mindfreakinglyblowing that I can’t remember the last movie I enjoyed this much (okay, maybe it was Karzzzzz). You get where this is going, right ?

The actors are going to sweep the Oscars (if the cleaning guys there are fired). The script is going to be preserved in archives for generations. Having already won an Oscar, Rahman’s been there, done that. Watch out for him at  the Razzies though.

Without blading you further, let’s jump right into the golden moments that make Blue what it is.

1. Sanjay Dutt, while distributing gyaan about diving (because he is the most super duper awesome diver ever), says,

Diving ke teen golden rules hain

Ek .. Saans kabhi mat rokna.

(translated as)

There are three golden rules of diving.

One .. don’t stop breathing.

Great advice, except for one teeny tiny fact – That is true everywhere.

2. Katrina Kaif is on her first date with Zyed Khan (which reinforces the claim by some that she is indeed stupid). She offers him some assignment that would pay $50,000.

KK : Tum in paison ka kya karoge. (What will you do with this money ?)

ZK (with a cunningly sweet smile) : Hamari future plan karoonga. (I’ll plan our future)

KK : Abhi 12 ghante bhi nahi hue hume mile, already future plan kar rahe ho ? (It’s been hardly 12 hours since we met !)

ZK : Main to pichle 12 ghanton se plan kar raha hoon. Bas tumhare haan ki deri hai. (I’ve already been planning it for the last 12 hours. I’m just waiting for a yes from you.)

KK (shyly,coyly, embarrassingly smiling) : Har baat kehna jaroori nahi hai. (It is not necessary to explicitly say everything.)

You just freaking met him !!!

Here, the right thing to do is pause the movie, enter a sound-proof closet .. and laugh.

3. The guy who credited Katrina Kaif is this movie was out on a social cause, methinks. She has about 20 seconds (okay maybe 57 secs) in the entire movie. Add that she is neither hot, nor cold .. just about at room temperature.

4. The movie attained the rare distinction of having Zyed Khan, Lara Dutta, Rahul Dev and Sanjay Dutt in one frame.

What do you do when you see them in one frame ?

You freakin’ get a pen and paper and take down acting notes !

5. Little Sanjay Dutt (umm .. no double-meaning meant) is diving with his dad, when his dad is stuck under a steel beam and has no chance of surviving. His expressions are a combination of frantically waving and instructing little Sanjay Dutt to head back, lest he exhaust his oxygen.

This is construed by little Sanjay Dutt as, quote, “Aur unhonen mujhe kasam di ke main us khazane ke baare mein kisi se na kahoon” (and he asked me to never ever reveal about the treasure to anyone).

6. What are the sharks doing in the movie ?

They don’t attack anyone, they don’t bother anyone, they don’t even make any noise, they basically do nothing in the entire movie !

Unless it is a metaphor for the Congress, someone please enlighten me what they were doing in the movie.

7. This one’s just for Sanjay Dutt :

Dude, when the bad guy is down on the ground (courtesy a superb punch by you), and is lying next to gun, it’s really okay if you don’t complete the monologue assigned to you.

No, really. That’s okay.

8. This one’s by @alltalk :

Q : Whose acting is the best in Blue ?

A : The sharks.

I rest my case.

Conclusion : Don’t miss this awesome movie. Movies like this come once in a lifetime, as your chances of survival after watching them are bleak.