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The question of the day was asked by some dude of Media Quest in a post-marriage interview with Shoaib Malik and Sania Mirza :
Media Quest: Why Sania did not smile in reception?
From the artistic sentence formation, he also sounds like the kind of guy who would ask for a girl’s fraandship on Orkut.
A case was filed against Sania Mirza and Shoaib Malik. Why, you ask ? Hurting sentiments of Muslims. Go figure.
“Initially Shoaib said he never married Ayesha, but later divorced her. There is no official divorce, but the 14 accused declared that divorce proceedings are over and got the public, particularly Muslims, confused and insulted their religious feelings,” Al-Kasary alleged.
If I were from Timbaktu, I’d be terribly offended by this :
“I wasn’t marrying a Pakistani. I was marrying a person I liked and he was marrying a person. It didn’t matter if he (Shoaib) was from Timbuktu. He could have been from anywhere,” Sania (23) said.
Are there no protesters in Timbaktu ? No wonder that place isn’t popular.
In one of those moments off work when I was thinking about Shoaib, Sania, Ayesha and their future, I was struck with an epiphany.
Shoaib divorces Ayesha, whom he denies marrying. Then he marries Sania.
That dude is effing brilliant ! Did you see what he just did there ? Did you ?
His net marriage count is still zero, and he can marry another girl (Indian Muslim girls, here he comes) without legal hassles !
Did you really believe the previous post would be the last one on Ayeshonia ?
This is the last Shoaib-Sania post. Much of the drama will end soon, now what Shoaib has signed his divorce papers — implicitly admitting his first marriage, while proving his idiocy if his story of internet-romancing-the-wrong-girl is true. Just for the record, the girl is equally responsible.
Arnab Goswami is what you get when you cross journalism and law. He poses as a news anchor on Times Now, but he is a law in his own right. He comes across as chubby and teddy bear-like, but every once in a while, he gives a look that can cause a meltdown of the most hardened criminals :
You don’t want to be doing anything wrong (for instance, talking) when he gives you the glare.
Any guest that manages to get more than 10 seconds of talk-time on his show is considered to be a success. When Suhel Seth appears on his show, everyone hopes and prays that the earth does not implode. Unlike conventional judges, his judgment does not wait for the end of the program. His shows usually begin with his judgment; panelists and debaters are merely incidental in his universe.
He recently took on the Shoaib-Sania saga in a segment with a befitting title Who is speaking the truth? Here’s why you must watch the entire episode :
1. Arnab tries to speak chaste Urdu (it includes challenging words like gunjaish) while not for a moment, letting go of his acute sense of judgment.
2. He admonishes Shoaib Malik’s cousin for not letting Ayesha’s mother speak. The irony.
3. His final judgment :
I can only say this at the very end. And I am saying this to both sides. Whatever the background, whatever the history, let this matter just be settled and let it be fair for all — including Ayesha, who seems to have gone through a lot.
and his parting words to an emotional Ayesha’s mother :
I think eventually, justice will prevail.
One can pin down the root cause of everything that is wrong with the world today : Not heeding to Arnab.
Raj T. is late to the party, but makes a fitting entry :
“We are not concerned with whom Sania Mirza marries, but it is definitely a matter of concern if she marries a Pakistani.”
The way this statement doesn’t make sense — it is almost art.
Trust Times of India to come up with such stuff :
Good timing, I must say.
It has been a delight to watch the circus that is the Sania Mirza-Shoaib Malik wedding. The wedding itself has enough drama going for itself with Shoaib’s — ex-wife or whatever she is — leveling one new allegation every day. Sania called off her engagement with some dude a couple of months ago, and claims to be in love with Shoaib for 6-7 months. Whatever works for her, I say.
The wedding itself served a five course menu, but the following are like that awesomely delicious food item you discover after you are full :
Hindu Youth Federation wants her to marry an Indian Muslim :
Twenty members of the Hindu Youths Federation were arrested for allegedly tearing and burning pictures of tennis star Sania Mirza to protest against her proposed marriage with Pakistani cricketer Shoaib Malik.
The members held a demonstration earlier condemning Sania Mirza for choosing a Pakistani, and demanded that she should instead marry an Indian Muslim.
I would have an easier time getting this if this were the Indian Muslim Federation.
Echoing similar sentiments is Pramod pink-chaddi Muthalik :
“Once she ties the knot, Sania should not be allowed to play for India. Her decision is an insult to Indians,” Sene chief Pramod Muthalik told reporters here.
“Could Sania not find any eligible bachelor among 100 crore Indians, which includes 15 crore Muslims? It is India, which is responsible for her fame and by choosing a Pakistani cricketer as her life partner, she is insulting all Indians. We totally oppose the move”, he said.
He now runs the risk of attracting pink tennis skirts.
But wouldn’t he look adorable in those ?
Bal Thackeray proves he is equally adept at medical stuff :
Shiv Sena chief Bal Thackeray on Friday flayed tennis star Sania Mirza for her decision to marry Pakistani cricketer Shoaib Malik, saying “had Sania’s heart been Indian, it wouldn’t have beaten for a Pakistani.”
Meanwhile, across the border, some dude wants her to play for Pakistan :
“Asian women traditionally follow their husbands which is why I’m hopeful that someday she would be inspired by Shoaib to play for Pakistan,” he added.
As a hardcore feminist, I thoroughly oppose this idea of a woman following her husband and playing for Pakistan. I’m not sure who would stay back at home and cook food if that happened.
But taking the cake, the icing, the accompanying calories and the following burp, is Times of India. They invited astrologers to predict the fate of the Shoaib-Sania wedding.
Now that the elections are over and counting begins tomorrow, everyone’s eyes are on the one person who might get to decide the fate of a country of more than a billion people. She is President Pratibha Patil, who would get the opportunity to invite coalitions to stake their claim in forming a government. But what do we know about this great lady ? This is my humble attempt at introducing her to the people of India.
First things first, yes, she does exist.
A recent survey revealed that over 90% of Indians did not know who President Patil was and only 40% knew. It is obvious this survey is not very trustworthy since it was carried out in Pakistan and most surveyors are not alive to verify the data since they were women. But you get the idea.
President Patil shares her first name with President Obama and last name with Pratibha Patil. She was born as a girl in an affluent family in Maharashtra. Very little is known about her childhood or the nicknames she had, so let’s just assume her nickname was Pinky. She always had great love for her family and it has continued till today, as can be judged from the fact that she allegedly gave loans to relatives leading to her bank license being revoked by the RBI. In these times of nuclear families and estranged relationships, we can see how important her virtues are.
She is mainly known in India for her foreign trips and addresses in foreign parliaments, which are not well attended. She is also a non-vocal environmentalist and loves trees, evidenced from the fact that 500 trees were felled during her visit to Andaman to give her a clear view of the sea. When confronted that this was not too environmentalist, she said, “Lekin dooriyan pyaar badhati hai“. She also likes to watch Hindi movies.
While most elites have criticized the fact that she speaks to ghosts, I think it is just a case of sour grapes. The sexist and sensible people also say that A.P.J. Abdul Kalam was a better president, but it is generally agreed upon that she is the greatest woman president India has ever had. Among her other achievements, she is also the first woman president of India.
It is suspected that she is the most intelligent woman in India at this moment, except for almost all other women in India. She is also one of the very few women who play sports, the others being Sania Mirza and S. Sreesanth. She was voted “College Queen” of M.J. College when she was in school. She is one of the few people whose Controversies stub on Wikipedia is larger than her whole profile. She also has a Wikipedia page.
She had once gone to the Bureau of Names to change her last name after her wedding. The office was quite messy with rats and cockroaches. Since she is afraid of rats, she ran back home and never got to changing her name. That is why we still know her as President Patil. As she is forgetful, there are fears that she might altogether forget to invite a coalition to form the government leading to complete anarchy in India.
Let us all hope this doesn’t happen.
Disclaimer : None of the above mentioned facts is true. If you are Pratibha Patil, please take it in good humour and also subscribe to the RSS feeds.
Not only has Indian sports evolved as the recently ongoing Chinese National Games have shown, but the number of intellectuals gracing the field has also increased. Leading the way is our very own MS Gill, who will be long remembered for his instinctive reaction on Mr. Abhinav Bindra’s Gold medal :
I congratulate myself and every other Indian.
Not to be the one to bask in the glory of his past achievements, he recently one-up’ed himself when Saina had come to meet him with to ask P. Gopichand by asking P. Gopichand :
P. Gopichand, who had taken herculean efforts on the badminton court, and even more off the court to get people pronounce his name correctly, obviously wasn’t too happy. But he was finally calmed when it came to the light that MS Gill did not know who Saina was either, he just thought it was Sania in nicer clothes.
But inspite of all this confusion, Saina managed to come up with :
Obviously, she didn’t get time to read the rules of the Chinese National games.
On that note, another hilarious read : Cyrus Broacha’s take on Mr. Abhinav’s medal.