Cannibalism is one of my pet topics. As someone who doesn’t eat either animal meat or human flesh, human flesh definitely interests me much more. Human flesh just feels closer to my heart.

Yesterday, I saw National Geographic’s documentary Eating With Cannibals filmed in Papua New Guinea. I encourage you to watch it too.  [You can quite easily find it if you search for the documentary name followed by any illegal video viewing website — which is why you shouldn’t search for it online. Piracy is bad. It puts hard working people out of jobs. Their families struggle for food. Some even turn to cannibalism.]

I looked around for more videos about cannibalism. Most documentaries seem to be about tribals in Papua New Guinea. It is unfortunate that none of the tribes practice cannibalism anymore. They converted from cannibalism after Christian missionaries arrived and ask them to stop. The documentaries are mostly village elders reminiscing about the good ol’ times.

For a remote area, they perceive both genders as equals: A former cannibal even said that women tasted the same as men. In hindsight, it seems obvious but for some reason, I assumed that women would be more chewy. Anything that makes feminists happy.

Let me feed you some information I gathered about cannibalism:

There are two types of cannibalism: survival and militant. Survival is when a fellow tribal is killed for other reasons (suspected of practicing black magic, adultery, etc.) but instead of throwing away the dead body, the tribals go, “Eh, well. We might as well eat him (or her).” Meat and proteins are hard to come by in rain-forests and human meat is the best. [Go humans!]

Militant cannibalism was practiced by warrior tribes who hunted folks of other tribes for food. The other tribe would then retaliate by hunting and eating one of their folks. The two tribes could have just arranged a formal buffet — but as I said, these are uncouth, tribal people.

Next, this is how they cook human flesh (do no try this at home as it could be fatal for someone):

Once the victim is dead, they cut his/her stomach open, much like how they process pigs. Internal organs burst through the opening and are removed — mainly parts like the small and large intestines. Those taste like sh*t. The body is then cut into two halves so it is easier to carry to a community kitchen. There, the body is first pre-roasted (much like pre-heating) to burn away body hair. (Fun fact: Victims who wax regularly are considered fast food.) Next, the bones and ribcage are carved out from the rest of the flesh. The flesh is hung over fire for slow-roasting. Meanwhile, a shallow pit that acts like a large vessel is covered with leaves. Burning hot stones are placed over the leaves. A few herbs and liquids are thrown in. Once the flesh is well roasted, pieces are cut and thrown into this ‘vessel’. Herbs and liquids add taste, by the way. This is allowed to cook. Aroma tells whether the food is ready. The community then sits around the pit and eats together — like a family. [A family that preys together, stays together.]

Giving it some thought, to me cannibalism seems more morally correct than eating animal meat. Animals cannot defend themselves against human weapons while humans can. To give you an analogy, it is for the same reason why grown men do not get into physical fights with children, or why intellectual debates between men and women are avoided. One group is just so much better than the other that it makes the game unfair.

Now let me grab some food while you figure out if I am a chauvinistic pig or a elite feminist. All this cannibalism talk has made me hungry.